The Best Me
by maevestrom
Summary: Hinoka dances with Setsuna in a celebration after the war, and things don't feel right, but like they always were.


**This was inspired by the song Plastic Soul by Mondo Cozmo. It was made for a slow dance.**

 **Setsuna is just the best, and I feel like she's underappreciated for all the good within her just because people see the bad easier. It kind of made me actually sad to see everyone bag on her, to the point where I didn't feel comfortable pairing her with someone that didn't appreciate her in-game. She should be more loved than she is.**

I don't feel like everything is quite normal for me until I see her.

I'm not that comfortable at celebrations or public events. Not yet. I was dragged to a few when I was younger than I am now but I wasn't who they wanted me to be. Who I wanted to be. I mean, I was who I felt I needed to be and I still can't quite convince myself otherwise. That it was who I needed to be.

But now I don't have to be that person anymore. I get to be me. And being me is so hard to define.

When I see her, all the air that stuffed up my chest just… leaves. It's such a violent exhale I nearly choke on the nothing that remains, but just enough of my breath returns to the point where I feel comfortable. She's dancing to the music that's playing, (probably single-handedly justifying the live violinist that beforehand seemed a little stuffy for this event).

Only she's not really dancing. Not in any trained way, or even any subtle way, like someone who can't dance but figures, hey, I'll try it. She's got her hand at her side resting on nothing, swaying her hips and smiling at nothing. It isn't the most embarrassing thing in the world, but it is a little odd, just like she is. And just like she usually is, she feels no shame. I don't think she knows how to. People probably think she should, but I've spent time doubting myself and I wouldn't wish that upon her.

I tell whoever I was having a conversation with (and I feel bad, because I don't really process who) that I want to see her. Just getting a glimpse of her was enough to comfort me, but I'm selfish, I want more. I want it badly. Sometimes I think all the stars could die and the heavens could fall and I would search them all just to get a glimpse of her, and the need to be with her is so powerful it distracts me.

The person I'm talking with- Orochi, I realize- starts to giggle affectionately and gives me her blessing, and I run over to Setsuna probably fast enough to get a few sets of eyes on me for something so base and youthful. But they can talk. I missed being a teenager. I have lost time and I intend to make it up.

Setsuna meets my eyes with distinct worry but doesn't stop her translation of dancing. She's still wearing the same outfit she usually wears into battle, and the rough sleeves, overalls, and knee-high boots contrast the fine linens everyone else is wearing.

"Lady Hinoka," she breathes in that airy, lazy voice that's so damn Setsuna (and she still calls me _Lady_ Hinoka, which is also especially Setsuna). "Is everything all right?"

I blush and stop. I guess even she knows that didn't fit the situation. "Oh, uhm…" I don't have an excuse and honestly, I don't think I need to think of one. "I just wanted to see you."

Setsuna giggles huskily, still dancing. "You didn't need to do _that_ to see me, silly," she says, eyes just lively enough. I clear my throat and adjust the collar of my kimono, heating up, and she giggles again, losing herself in it. Now I'm blushing and I may be pouting a little, but she knows I'm not mad. Setsuna taking the piss out of me is always a surprise because she doesn't really do that to people, and honestly, everyone does that to her. But it's okay. Doing things to me that she never does for anyone else is a bit of an honor from her.

I stand next to her. She's not dancing on rhythm, but she's happy. She's never been on rhythm in her life, and she's never been discontent with it. Her eyes meet mine when she sees I'm watching, and she lets out a little "oh".

"W-would you…" Great. Why am I nervous? I know she's gonna respond well. It's just… she makes me feel different. Looser. More vulnerable.

"Mmhmm?"

"Would you like to dance together?"

"Oh, sure!"

I grin. What was I so worried about?

Then she keeps dancing how she was before. I wasn't confused by it before, but now I'm a little flabbergasted. She gestures to the side opposite of the hand she's using. "Come on, Lady Hinoka," she says, and now she's using both hands in her little routine.

I almost slap my forehead, cause _great,_ now I gotta ask again. "I mean," I start a little calmer than before, "the kind where I hold you."

She stops, giggling and blushing. "Oh," she breathes. "That's my favorite kind."

I smile. She's so damn sweet.

I place one arm on her shoulder and another around her waist. She smiles and puts both arms around my back, probably to keep from falling. We sway together now, and she's got her head down even though she's probably half a head taller than me. Her teal hair falls in front of her face and thinly veils both of her eyes rather than the fringe covering one, but she's smiling, settling into things, and to be honest, I'm settling down too.

"You're pretty," she whispers in awe.

I smile, closing my eyes. "You're beautiful."

She giggles, leaning into me.

When it comes to dancing, I've found that it's not so much the sight that matters, but the feeling. You can settle into a routine so much it becomes ritual, so much that it feels like it's more than you and whoever you're dancing with. It's this feeling that comes with it. This magnetic pull where you feel like wherever you are, whoever you are, you'd feel better with her. I'm still wondering if this feeling is what I think it is, but I'm kind of scared to say that it is.

Even if it is.

She has her head down on my shoulder, and I can hear her breathe easy. I know I'm panting like I climbed the Eternal Stairway, and I wonder if I feel hot to the touch. Whatever it is, it's because this feels right, and I'm not used to things feeling right. I'm used to everything being an open-ended question I don't know the answers to, and this is a little open-ended, what's between us, what's been between us for months, but I feel like all the answers will be good.

"So…" she starts. I don't interrupt, because it usually takes her a bit to find the words. "What are you gonna do now?"

I don't have an answer, aside from bristling a little. The war between Hoshido and Nohr is over, and I'm left with the fact that all we won was a bunch of questions. What will we do now? We've lost some good people. I lost my mother. And that isn't a fraction of what Nohr lost, or the Ice Tribe, or the Flame Tribe, and all those names keep me from moving forward, keeps the room I'm in from feeling as full as it should be. _Elise, Xander, Rinkah, Kaze, Hinata, Silas, Reina, Azura, Mother, Mother, Mother-_

I swallow because she still wants an answer and she won't find it if I get lost in my own head. "Well, Ryoma will take the throne, probably," I say. "I'll do my best as a princess to rebuild Hoshido… you know, make it a better nation."

"And rebuild the rest of it too," she points out.

I cock my head. "What do you mean?"

"I guess…" She tightens her grip as she thinks. "I think we're supposed to be united now. Or allies with Nohr."

I nod. "Yeah."

"We hurt a lot of them," she points out sadly. "I feel bad."

I pull her closer. We probably look a little goofy, like we're lovers or something. "It's war, Setsuna," I explain. "Things will break. Things will get damaged. People will die."

"It's not right."

"No," I admit. "It isn't." She sniffles a little, and I gasp. "I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"It's okay," she says. "I think I needed to cry a little."

"If you insist," I say hesitantly. She sniffles again. I feel tears seep through the fabric on my shoulder, but not many.

"We're not still at war with them, right?" she asks, throat raw. When I shake my head, she says "I thought winning things was supposed to feel good, but I don't feel very good."

I sigh sadly, amazed and sad that she gets it. I really didn't want her to feel this way. I never wanted her to. I didn't want her to… well, feel like me. But she's a grown woman. And despite what others say she's smart. Spacy, airheaded, and a little naive, but smart. Give her the pieces, give her a reason, and she can put any puzzle together.

"I think…" She hesitates and stops.

"It's okay," I reassure her.

"I think…" She starts again. Now she's gathering her words. "Because we're better off, even with everything... and we want to ally with Nohr…" She sighs. "I think we should help them fix what we broke. So they know…" She stops there, out of words.

"That we care," I finish helpfully.

"Yeah."

I know she cares. More than that, I know she knows what it's like to be spoiled into something less than what you wanted. I think she would give up all the money in her family to help others because she doesn't know what she would do with it. And that sort of altruism… it's part of her, especially here.

"I needed to hear that," I start. "Cause… I forget it a lot."

"I forget things all the time."

I smile. She really does.

"It's just that…" I swallow. "I miss her." She hmms sympathetically because she knows that the _her_ I talk about is always my mother. "And it's hard to remember that others lost people they loved too. Because it hurts so much."

"You'll be okay," she insists from my shoulder. Her words are transcendent in my ear. "You're Lady Hinoka. You'll be okay."

I smile, cause I think she means it. I don't feel like a high compliment unless it's from her lips.

"I like that idea," I admit. "I'm not sure… it will take a lot of work just to make it happen."

"You're smart," she insists.

"So are you."

She heats up next to me, giggling again. Then she says "Can we stop?"

My eyes widen, but as nervous as I am, I comply. She doesn't let go of me, and I appreciate that, but I was _lost_ for a little while. Now I'm back here, in the real world, and I'm okay because she's here. But I'm here too, and I can't deny that I'm a little scared. I didn't expect to be, but I am. The real me is scared, vulnerable, and not sure how she'll do it all. She's just sure that she has to.

"Lady Hinoka."

She startles me back to awareness. "Sorry, I guess I got in my own head," I say.

"It's okay," she responds. "You have a lot to think of. I just wanted to say…" She breathes into my ear. "I know it's a lot. You know? And… I'll be there. I'll make it better. It's the least I can do." She chuckles, but she's a little bitter. "Probably the most, too."

"Don't say that," I insist.

"It's okay!" she tells me quickly, a little louder than usual. "Because I know I can do it well. I can listen to you, I can talk to you, I can comfort you, I can… be yours. Because you had faith in me to be yours. From the start. And that's why I will be yours." She hmms and moves one of her hands to rest against my chest. She's in charge now. "Well, mostly why."

I smile, but I might be crying, I don't know. "Mostly?"

She takes a breath, and I can tell that she's smiling. "It's also cause I love you."

Yeah, I'm definitely crying. "I love you too, Setsuna. I love you so much."

"I know."

I pull my head back and look at her. Her head's back up, and I can see her eye. She's smiling confidently, like this was always how it was meant to be, but I'm crying because I'm so happy that this is how it is. Things feel possible now. The mountain ahead of me isn't too big to climb. And it's because I have her, and she makes me feel like the Hinoka I want to be. Caring, loving, understanding, carefree, confident, happy. I'm so happy; so, so happy.

"Can you kiss me, Lady Hinoka?"

I giggle and oblige. She never closes her eyes when we kiss, and when I lean into her, I see them both before I close mine. They're as peaceful and unfettered as I always expect. I kiss her, and she kisses back, not as clumsy as others would expect. I feel like she cares about me. I feel like I'm hers. No matter how many traps I have to free her from, no matter how much she depends on me, I'm hers.

We separate, and she smiles. "That was nice."

"Here's to many more," I promise.

She giggles, honored. Then, she asks "Can we dance again?"

"Oh!" I forgot I was on a dance floor. "Sure, babe."

"The kind where you hold me?"

I giggle. "That's my favorite kind."

So we dance again, and she's still close to me, her presence next to mine. It feels like her, and right then, it's all I feel. It's all I need right now. Probably soon I will need more, need to be more. But right now, all I need to be is hers.


End file.
